I was reading about casting for the Order of the Phoenix movie, and one poster on a board mentioned that she imagined Samuel L. Jackson in the role of Kingsley Shacklebolt, the Auror. Well, that comment, plus this site (which came out when SLJ was cast in the Star Wars prequels), inspired me to this:

Top 10 Things Samuel L. Jackson Might Say If He Played Kingsley Shacklebolt in Order of the Phoenix

10. "You don't need to investigate that goddamn location, 'cause that ain't the motherfuckin' Sirius Black you're lookin' for."

9. "Well, kippers might taste like pumpkin pie, but I wouldn't know, 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker."

8. "This wand is the brother of Voldemort's wand. When you absolutely, positively have to kill every motherfuckin' Death Eater in the room, accept no substitute."

7. "If that horcrux ain't home, I don't know what the fuck we're gonna do, 'cause I ain't got no more leads."

6. "Avada Kedavra, motherfucker."

5. "Check out the big brain on Hermione! You're one smart motherfucker!"

4. "Yeah, Lupin Rocky Horror has a hair problem. What's a brother gonna do? He's a werewolf."

3. "Does Harry Potter look like a bitch?"

2. "What ain't no spell I ever heard of."

1. "Hand me my wand. It's the one that says 'Bad Mother Fucker' on it."